Words of Lamn Xavb

Words of Lamn

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In the name of all that is respected and holy, which person spelled this message upon my refrigerating cabinet?

Hallo, and I introduce myself to you as Lamn Xavb, the founder of Exowax Recordings. As a large child during the Oppression, my shoe: stolen by dogs. It was there that I learned the value.

Besides,

Lamn Xavb

Lamn's bevy of Subordinates stands at the ready in this photo from last year's Jolly Weenus Roast. (Vadil X. is third from the right.) Their music is valuable and chilling.

Exalted Lamn,

How many times must a man look up before he can see the sky? By report, the answer is blowing in the wind. However, it is fairly windy outside and I am no closer to knowing than before.

Just like I pictured it-- skyscrapers and everything,

Brad

Oh, Most Thoughtful and Pleasingly Respectful Brad,

Your depth-oriented query twitches, convulses and spasms in a manner suggested by the dark fable of the auto-fellating serpent. I am compelled to add: Will the wind ever remember the names it has blown in the past?

Beware of the "homie" who earnestly inquires if you would like to earn five U.S. dollars,

Lamn Master Xavb

Generous Lamn,

WHERE did you GET that COAT?

Not to mention,

da9ve

Greetings da7ve,

"Shout! Shout! Let it all out! It is these things without which we can do! Come on! I'm talking to you! Come on!" A crude but effective fablette to illustrate your unfortunate and unnecessarily excessive use of capital letters, for am I not close by? Come to me, and gently place your head upon my shoulder. There, there. Here, here.

And now to the COAT of which you speak: grand though it may be, it will pale in comparison to the sublime stole of Vadil. I am currently amassing the final selection of unbleached stonky heftoburls (Nature's Second Best!™) from which the Subordinates will weave it. I can hardly wait! I am so stoked!

Sears. Outlet store.

Formally Mine,

La42mn

Deer Lamn Xavb,

Where do you go in the winter? When all the leaves fall off the trees, and snow covers the ground, it should be easy to see you. But I never do!

Cervidaely yours,

J. D. Mack

Most Honored Mack Father,

A rather personal query, but in honor of your numerous past and future assistances to Mister Keneally, I humbly offer the following heaving hintoid: vertical are not all things of value.

Tenderly yours,

Lamn Xavb

Dear Mr. Xavb,

Paper or plastic?

No, not the housing for the fine musical issuances in the form of compact discs from Exowax. It's for your groceries. Paper or plastic?

And would you like your gallon of goat milk in a bag or just in the cart?

Warmest and Kindest Regards,

Jim Flanigan

ps........would it be an affront to politeness if an inquiry was made regarding the upcoming MK/BB disc in this forum?

Greetings, Non-Bison Jim (any relation?),

Here in your 21st century, despite all current "trending," I much prefer old-mode sustenance comprised of flesh, foliage and beastle hair.

A gallon of the goat's milk is so quite generous, am I deserving? If so, please contain the liquid according to your most secret desire. It is the custom. As in the fine words of The Poet, if I might:

Although your world wonders me,
With your majestic and superior cackling hen
Your people I do not understand,
So to you I shall put an end
And you'll
Never hear
Surf music again

In rapture and nearly there,

Lamn Xavb

P.S. No. Much gratitude for asking.

My Most Dear Lamn Xavb,

I am ordering Nonkerkopff--er, Nonkemoff--uh, that is to say Nonkertompf from the awe-inspiring MooseMart because I figure that the artist (guitar god Mike) will get more of the resultant incoming moola than if I purchased it at my local Disc Exchange.

Is this a correct assumption? Or is it just a ploy that allows you to skim off the top before His GuitarGodness ever sees his cut? I want the truth.

Thank you, and I wish Exowax a long and lucrative life providing life-enhancing music to those who have ears to hear.

Sincerely as ever,
Janne

Sweet Janne,

Mister Keneally retains no compensation from any source. He has been told that music is its own reward, you see.

L. Xavb

Greetings and salutations Lamn,

Might I be so forward as to ask about your heritage that you would have a name that sounds so exotic to the average ignorant American? Also, how do you pronounce it and has Mike come up with any good anagrams for it yet?

Cheers,

Andy Papula

To You I Reply,

You might say, as plays your popular anthem, "I come from a land down under." You might say. It is spoken as "UNDER," upon its founding by the late but good Dr. Une.

"Lamn"

The Nonkertompf album pleases me greatly. When I'm in a foul mood I just think of "Click" and the darkness goes away. More Keneally please.

Joe Hlavaty

Sir,

Despite your jarring lack of salutation, your unique agilities may become required to assist me in locating the missing keying devices for my Xavb Roadster in your Wal-Mart car park reservation one midnight. Please send to me your mailing home location. I jest.

Always?,

Lamn X.

Most honorable Mr Xavb:

It is with the utmost pleasure that I have read you postings to this electronic communications device. For so long I have had to endure the ramblings of obviously inferior men. I am not at all suprised that you, among all others, had the foresight to memorialize the treasures of Mr. Keneally for the enjoyment as well as the inner growth his works so beautifully offer to this generation, to those to follow and, dare I say it, to those who have come before us. There is no doubt that those who have been left on this world to roam aimlessly into eternity have found solace in the sounds created by Mr. Keneally.

I applaud him and you, kind sir, for affording us the means by which to grasp a bit of pleasure during our personally turbulent times as well as those more peaceful times during which we are able to savor every nuance.

To you both I wish for nothing but the best and continued success in all your endeavors.

Respectfully yours,

rebecca "my heart flutters with the music that surrounds it" mattoon

Dear r"mhfwthtsi"m,

I discern no query in this missive. You are impudent. All the best.

Lamn Xavb (by V.X.)

Dear Mr. Xavb,

Congratulations on the launch of your new company. I commend you on your ability to persuade such an astute and astounding artist as Mike Keneally to join the ranks of your record label. Perhaps you might regale us with the keys to your success, so to speak.

Yours Truly,

Roy Berkowitz

Salutations, Mr. Berkowitz (A Great Friend To Mike Keneally),

This letter is too old to answer. How dare you?

How are you? Dress warmly.

Dear Sir,

Just a note of appreciation for your latest release, Mike Keneally's 'Nonkertompf'. It rocks. Keep up the good work.

Yours Truly,

Bruce Barratt

Mr. Barratt,

It pleases me that you enjoy our musical artist Mike Keneally's album, his first to appear upon our label, Exowax Recordings.

Allow me to wish you much luck and fine health today.

With sincere appreciation,

Lamn Xavb

P.S. I see that you are on AOL.

Hi.

I just wanted to congratulate the mysterious founder on the release of Nonkertompf, and on the mystery.

So little in the world of Mr. Keneally has it, and so it's delicious when there is some mystery. It seems so perverse. Exowax is a perfect label name. Yay.

Adam Lindsay

Mr. Lindsay,

I am enthused reading your e-mail sent to me. My malformed assistant relates to me in recent times seven grand tales of so-called "mystery" regarding myself; "yarns" which certainly create an amusement within. For do I not consume my eggs three at a time as all do, or squat facing Pluto?

Yours with humility and grateful retorts, especially as regards the "Yay,"

Lamn Xavb

Greetings and salutations.

Congratulations on the release of your musical artist Mike Keneally's musical release. It has been a challenge reading the song titles printed on the bonus CD of the Nompkertompf......That little sucker spins around real fast. Thank you for your time.

R. Stiles

R,

If I may presume to ask: Will you not become a better person as a result of this feat? I do believe so.

As for congratulations, I humbly redirect them to musical artist Keneally; for I am merely the reason for his existence.

I invite you to enjoy your life.

Lamn Xavb

Suggestion: get that Exowax logo onto a tee-shirt. I LOVE it. Heck, I'll take 2! Drumbot 2.0 might make a swell Nonker-t as well. Hey, how about a pocket tee with Drumbot on the back and Exowax on the pocket? Nah, 2 different ones would be better - I wouldn't have to do my laundry as often. That's enough from me for now.

Bert

PS: Nonkertompf is swell.

"Bert,"

The absence of a salutation in your missive grieves me temporarily. I ascribe it to the impertinence of the day, but, as "they" are wont to say in these times, "fuck."

Perhaps after the sale of two "tee" garments to you, musician Keneally and I might at last with the proceeds retire to Kahramanmaras for rejuvenation and obsecration.

However I jest.

That is enough from you for now.

Lamn Xavb

Dear Mr. Xavb, or may I call you "sweetheart"?,

I think our parents may have known each other in the "olde" country. They're both dead now, except for my mother, Mrs. Olde. Perhaps you have some photos from their high school days together when they were on the air hockey team together (on opposite sides, of course).

love,

Col. Moebius Bleep (Ret.)

Colonel Bleep,

My gracious, I am forced to endure no salutation and now one most forward and exhilarating. I am at a loss.

As regards your query: Perhaps I possess a photograph from the future depicting you being forced to inhale a chalice containing 766 newly provoked live manta ants as fitting punishment for your impertinence. I suspect that your country's military never allowed such frivolous and false correspondence to desecrate its sacred writing surfaces.

I implore you to economize your strength in preparation for the War Between The Retired, Colonel Bleep. And you will be most pleased if you do not underestimate the combative powers of an enraged and fiercely protective musical artist Mike Keneally on my behalf.

Lamn Xavb

Hi Lamn, you old cock-knocker!

Hey I'm looking at the spifferific new Exowax page and I noticed the name Bryan May. I'm just curious to know if this is supposed to be Queen guitarist Brian May, just spelled wrong, or if there's actually a Bryan May and who the hell is he?

That is all.

ron

ron,

This greeting is, in your parlance, "more like it!" The public humiliation of your righteous correction will be noted now.

I fear you like no other.

Lamn Xavb

P.S. Musical artist Mike Keneally once told me of a delightful meal he enjoyed among his companions.

Dear Sir Amazing Wise Mister Lamn Xavb,

His recent series of performances at the Baked Potato in Hollywood found audience members flying in from the UK and Japan to get their live Keneally fix. Is Florida not far away enough to be mentioned? :->

BTW, I'm pretty sure Oppression has 2 Ps. Keep up the good work, eh?

Brian Czako

Mr. Czako,

The e-mail that you sent to me contained no salutation, so for the sanity of all, I took upon myself the liberty of creating one. You are indeed welcome.

Quite the contrary: My dog-eared copy of Butler's "Elements of Geography and History Combined in a Catechetical Form" states within that the American state of Florida is "too far away" to become mentioned (with the necessary exception of these twice references).

In light of your helpful intercession: I am beginning to assume the clarity, shame and abject humility of the Frequently Corrected, thanks to you and your previous lower-case comrade.

Lamn Xavb

P.S. I would be pleased to send you a XavbVoucher™ for a new one, providing you return it to me at once.

You,

While it might appear that other people are fooled by your apparent desire to produce quality music in a cheap world, I know that the truth is you want it all to yourself. Try as you might to obfuscate, obliterate, and appropriate, the Music lives on. It grows while you suffer.

Do what you want with pens, lighters and shavers - Keneally is unstoppable.

Nonkertompf is.

You aren't.

A "Friend."

A friend. I could use a friend, A.

Lamn Xavb